Welcome to the Zit List, where we tell you exactly what to think about events, people, and things that happened this week.


Double Down…and Split
If you’re planning to head to Monte Carlo and win big at the slots this weekend, not only are you probably bad at mathematical odds, but you also might not even be guaranteed any money you win. After a six-month argument on the matter, a French court split slot machine winnings between the woman who put the money in the machine and the man who pulled the lever. As they say: if you want something done right, pull the lever yourself.
Rating: 4 zits

What’s the Dark Matter?
Scientists announced they may very well have found dark matter in a mine in Minnesota. If the presence of dark matter is confirmed, this could be a Nobel-level breakthrough for science. It would also be absolute confirmation that the universe is way cooler than originally thought.
Rating: 1 zits

Monster Dreams
Let no one tell you those YouTube videos you upload of yourself talking about your feelings are a waste of time! A Uraguayan producer who uploaded a short film depicting aliens attacking Montevideo has just gotten a $30million Hollywood contract. Gotta love a Cinderella story; now let’s hope the movie’s good…
Rating: 0 zits

The Looks Have It
A study finds that for urban women, attractiveness plays a significant role in networking, employment, and social connections. This isn’t the surprising part – what’s surprising is that the study found the same didn’t hold true for women in rural areas, who tended to be part of tighter-knit communities. Regardless of where we live, don’t we all want to be treated based on personality rather than face? Boo!
Rating: 5 zits

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