We’d normally encourage wearing SPF 30 and advise fervently against baking in the heat for hours on end… but you’re not a turkey.

Add an extra dose of laughter to your festive meal of gratitude with these 5 simple steps, and have a sexy turkey time!

1. Size up your bird and become a swim wear designer. Using a scissor, cut aluminum foil in the shape of a bikini. Channel Rosa Cha for a couture-key.

2. “Dress” your turkey by smoothing the aluminum foil on flat.

3. Season with your favorite Thanksgiving herbs and spices and be heavy on this one ingredient: paprika. That’s the tanning oil. Pat on the “oil” and all the herbs, and make sure none gets under the bikini.

4. Bake in the oven as usual until half-done. Take her out, strip her down like a Greek in Saint Tropez, and shove her back in the oven nude for the rest of the cooking time.

5. Don’t tell your guests a thing! Watch their faces as you unveil your masterpiece, and ask the question every host and hostess across America will ask at that very same moment: “So… who wants a breast?”

Happy Thanksgiving! Whether you’re spending it with a large family, a few friends, or you’re grabbing a turkey sandwich at the deli in between work shifts, always remember to appreciate what you’ve got, know that the best is yet to come… and laugh as much as possible.

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