If Spa Week and Fashion Week had a baby, it would look a little something like this:

Here’s the story. Yesterday I had a Lipomassage at Smooth Synergy Cosmedical Spa in New York City, the first spa to offer the superior CelluM6 Integral Machine, a non-invasive piece of spa technology that smooths, tones, and tightens your body so you can look like Gwenyth, Wonderwoman, or you at 17 again.

What does one wear for such this procedure of rolling away your cellulite and shrinking your fat cells? Exhibit A, an opaque white glorified body stocking:

This is what the ensemble looks like in its usual setting, as the technician Tamara sculpts my buttox by rolling the wand in computer-guided motions.

Being that it’s Fashion Week, I tweeted what was on my mind as a lay in this awkward yet form-fitting piece of spattire: Think I can I throw a jacket over this and head to Lincoln Center?

Almost immediately I got a tweet backDo it.

If you know me at all, you know I take no challenge lightly, especially one that involves bringing a peculiar spa uniform into the most fashionable place on earth. PETA and the spa purists may throw red paint on me, but I’m willing to risk it.

Tonight, join me live as I make my rounds to the debut of White Trash Beautiful, a new fashion line by Nikki Lund and Bon Jovi at 6:30… followed by Gwen Stefani’s L.A.M.B. show at Lincoln Center at 8. Now that I have the iPhone I will livestream as much of the action as possible! Tune in later right here as the girl in the giant pantyhose hits the scene.

Live TV : Ustream

PS… Look who randomly walked by during my little photo shoot… ma girls Ashley and Rie from LuxurySpot.com! They say coincidence, I say they were just stalking to see me in a body spandex.

and PPS… going to the bathroom is just as annoying as it looks.

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