The dress, the flowers, the venue, the cake… These days planning a wedding can be seriously stressful. All those choices can lead to crazy Bridezilla and an unethused Groom. During the wedding planning, defuse heated debates and keep sparks alive by writing your own wedding vows. From funny to silly to serious and everywhere in between, here are six different wedding vows to fit (almost) every relationship: 1. Pirate Vows Groom: I, Mad Dog [name] take ye, Saucy [Bride] as me Heart, me Soul, me Good Wench with a stout right hook, the bright dawn of each new day and the soft bed of each day’s night. I promise to love ye and honor ye; to make ye laugh when yer feelin’ out of sorts and pretend to listen to ye when ye babble on and on about nothin’ in particular. I will protect you from the elements and the elephants should we ever encounter them as it is my understanding that they can be very large and unpredictable. I will love thee through scurvy and through fire, in wealth or poverty whether ye be near or far. And when I speak of treasure, as I am wont to do, everyone within the sound of me voice will know that what I am really speaking about is you. All of this will I undertake until there are no horizons left to chase and the rum is gone. Bride: I, Saucy [name] take ye, Mad Dog [Groom] as me Heart, me Soul, me Salty Jack with a crooked smile, the foggy haze of each new day and the lumpy (but familiar) mattress of each day’s night. I promise to love ye and honor ye; to make ye laugh so hard the rum comes out yer nose and pretend to listen to ye when ye babble on about nothin’ in particular. I will protect you from my wrath and from giraffes which I understand are very tall and will sometimes step on people because they are not looking where they are stepping. I will love thee through scurvy and through fire, in wealth or poverty whether ye be near or far. And when I speak of treasure, as I am wont to do, everyone within the sound of me voice will know that I am day dreaming again. All of this will I undertake until there are no horizons left to chase and the rum is gone. 2. Zombie Vows Bride: My love, as I gaze into your mesmerizingly vacant crimson eyes, stroke the pale, flaking skin of your cheek, and drool over the human arm that you dragged behind you down the aisle, I cannot help but smile knowing that you have chosen me with which to spend the rest of undead eternity. “’Till death do us part” is but a mundane mortal musing; you and I will shuffle through the streets, trudge over the grasslands, and limp along the seashore for every sunrise and sunset to come. I cannot wait to feast on the living with you by my side and to admire your strength and your focus as you tastefully terrorize the mortal population. There is no other woman, living or dead, with whom I would rather spend a mindless and unending undead existence. I love you more than death itself. 3. The Princess Bride Vows The Impressive Clergyman: Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder tooday. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam… The Impressive Clergyman: And wuv, tru wuv, will fowow you foweva… The Impressive Clergyman: So tweasure your wuv. Prince Humperdinck: Skip to the end. The Impressive Clergyman: Have you the wing? The Impressive Clergyman: …and do you,Pwincess Buwwercup… Prince Humperdinck: Man and wife. Say man and wife. The Impressive Clergyman: Man an’ wife. 4. Dr. Seuss Vows Minister: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life? Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, Yes, I’ll love her all my life. Minister: Will you have, and also hold Just as you have at this time told? Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold, Just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life As I now take her as my wife. 5. Wedding Crashers Vows Groom: “I, [name], take you, [Bride], to be my wife, my best friend, and my first mate. Through sickness and health, clear skies and squalls.” Bride: “I, [name], take you, [Groom], to be my best friend and my captain, to be your anchor and your sail, your starboard and your port.” 6. Star Wars Vows Groom: My Queen, may the Force be with us as we travel through the galaxy of life. I pledge to never turn to the Dark Side but stand forever in the illumination of our love. I vow to fight the Evil Emperor and I invite you take your place at my side as we rule the galaxy. Take my hand and stand with me for light and justice throughout our lives. Bride: My Jedi, my love, I take your hand and accept your pledge. May the force be strong with us all the days of our lives. There is good in you, I sense it. Remain a Jedi and I will stand by you. I pledge to you my love and my companionship as long as I live.