I can remember the best tan of my life very clearly. It was Spring Break in Acapulco, Sophomore year of college. Every day from the moment I peeled myself out of that cheap hotel bed until the sun went down, I werked it on the beach, dousing myself in Amazing Maui Babe, flipping every half hour, and turning my chair like clockwork to exalt the sun as it moved across the sky. Making my sunsoaked days even sunnier (besides those strongggg Miami Vices) were the hands of my personal Acapulco beach massage therapist. Yes, that’s right, on the first day laying out, an Acapulco native came by offering an hour-long massage for $30 (I know, better than Spa Week!)… and you better believe I said YES. And then, every single day of vacation, as if I was prepping for a future job at Spa Week or something, I took advantage of her hour-long, oil-soaked services, illuminating my tan even more. Until I looked like this (tattoo is fake, tan is real): Well, those days are over. I no longer have the patience – nor the ignorance – to want to lay in the sun for 8 hours a day all week. I am now an advocate of faking it and not getting skin cancer. Which leads me to the SECOND best tan of my life: completely bare spa‘s new Completely Bronzed Spray Tan, one of their $50 Spa Week treatments this Fall. Completely Bronzed is an odorless spray tan that, as you can see in the video, is applied by a technician rather than just a misting machine. Unlike most other spray tans, it dries within four hours, so you can shower faster than the time it would take you to get to Acapulco. It also has a bronzer, so until you DO take that shower, you will be extra brown. BEFORE the shower... Or… in my case the first time I tried it… orange! —> BUT, thankfully the orange only lasted until I showered, and then I turned to a beautiful state of bronze. The second time I got Completely Bronzed, I asked them go a little lighter on the face, and there was NO such orange at all. However, it wouldn’t have even been so bad if I was, because I only looked like an oompa loompa that one night. In fact, I loved the tan SO much the first time, that I went back to cb a second time before a friend’s wedding in Cape Cod! Now I know you have two main questions: 1, how good is the GOOD part of the tan, and 2, what is the DURATION like? To answer your first question – it was extremely even. A very rich, natural-looking color, and it did precisely what it’s meant to do: make you look great in person, and even more notably, in photos. It was THIS good (yellow dress was from the second time with the lighter face, others are from the first tan): (Yes, that’s me in the middle blending in with those mahogany walls.) And now… THE DURATION: The first FOUR days (starting from when you shower) are amazing. That is broken down as such: The first two you look like you are still on vacation, the second two you look like you just got back from vacation. If you wash your face like a good spa girl (or boy), your face will get lighter faster than the rest. Over the next 1 or 2 days, you will start to “chip.” It’s the sunless equivalent to peeling. It’s not that cute when you notice it, but you still maintain some sexy color throughout your body. After that, it’s all downhill. You want to make sure you do NOT have a bikini party anytime between 6-12 days after your tan. You’ll be spotty and uneven. To make the spotty, chipping period less unfortunate looking, you’ll want to exfoliate your body each day as soon as you decide your tan is ready to POOF be-gone. This time it took a solid 14 days to fully fade away. Last time, I got a body scrub at Le Merigot Santa Monica to finish off the last of it so it was a little bit quicker. (Side note: sweet excuse for a scrub!) Completely bare, helmed by ex-NY housewife Cindy Barshop, is rapidly expanding and has Spa Week locations in California, Georgia, Texas and New York. In addition to Completely Bronzed, they are also offering laser hair removal for basic bikini or a brazilian wax for $50. Check out spaweek.com for completely bare locations near you. And if you want to tell your friends you were in St. Tropez last week, your secret is safe with me! Disclosure: Treatments were comped in exchange for video coverage and editorial consideration.