Don’t be a crazy Lace! With the help of “The Bachelor,” we sought out BeenVerified background check expert Justin Lavelle to find out which first date red flags you need to avoid.

The Bachelor is back and everyone is talking about it. The first few episodes, when a gaggle of attractive women are introduced to the eligible young man (played this season by Ben Higgins) and go on rounds of large group dates, tend to be very entertaining and talked about for the entire season. While each collection of eligible singles are distinct, it seems certain themes bubble up perennially on the show, now in its 20th season.

For example, some candidates attempt to gain Ben’s affection will prove to be too pushy, others too shy, while others, thanks to the generous portions of free alcohol, will simply get smashed.  We are already seeing these themes play out with Lace drinking too much and exhibiting signs of being “crazy” and Olivia’s aggressive behaviors making her the likely “most hated” girl among the other Bachelorettes this season.  Last night, we saw that some of these Bachelorettes were able to redeem themselves while others just made matters worse!

While The Bachelor is great entertainment, you actually can learn something from it, too. This time of year tends to bring out the dater in many single people, with the ranks of online dating sites swelling in January. And that means a lot of first dates across America.

While you may not have the opportunity to go on quite as many first dates as Ben will over the next couple of months, the behavior of a number of his potential matches can teach you some key things about how not to act on a first date and more importantly, to determine how best to proceed when encountering such behaviors among your dates.

So with the help of The Bachelor, here are the top three red flags to watch out for on a first date:

Your date wants to kiss right away
first date red flags

While some open people may welcome such an act, a kiss on the lips on a first date, especially before the date has actually started, is rarely a good idea. It communicates an aggressiveness that the average person will find bewildering at best and beyond offensive at worst. The receiver of the kiss may question the kisser’s values or even sanity. This is not a good way to start a date that is not being televised for a national audience.

Your date gets drunk

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An inability to remain sober on a first date may indicate a number of things, and none of them are good. It could indicate poor judgment, disrespect for the person you are out with, or even a serious drinking problem. Heavy drinking on a first date can also put both parties’ safety at risk. A first date is designed to be an introduction and for two people to get to know one another. Save that bar crawl for your first anniversary.

Your date complains a lot

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If at any point on the first date you encounter complaints, demands or overall negativity, treat this as a red flag. If your date can’t hide a negative attitude for a couple hours on a first date, what will it be like when he or she is actually comfortable with you? A living hell, that’s what.

It may be tempting to ignore red flags such as these, as Ben already has. When you are dating with the purpose of finding a soul mate to “complete” you, you may be willing to ignore some early negative signs and see how things develop. Our advice is steadfast: for healthy relationships, don’t ignore your intuition.

Top Tool for Daters: the BeenVerified Online Background Check Platform

In 2013, BeenVerified was named one of the fasted growing private companies in New York and the 26th  fastest growing privately held company in the nation. They currently have the 5th highest grossing utility app on iPhone, downloaded over 5,000,000 times. Their mission is to “help people discover, understand and use public data in their everyday lives” from planning family reunions to protecting their family from sex offenders, to checking the identities of those you interact with online. A must-have for daters, BeenVerified offers you unlimited searches and more available data without extra costs.

About Justin Lavelle

Justin Lavelle is the Communications Director and lead blogger for BeenVerified. BeenVerified is a leading source of online background checks and contact information. It helps people discover, understand and use public data in their everyday lives and can provide peace of mind by offering a fast, easy and affordable way to do background checks on potential dates. BeenVerified allows individuals to find more information about people, phone numbers, email addresses and property records. 

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What’s your biggest dating pet peeve?

Congratulations! You found one of the secret questions for our Wellness From the Inside Out giveaway! Answer in the comments section below for one entry to win this week’s prize. Then, make sure to keep searching our latest stories for more chances to win.

29 Responses

  1. michelle

    talks about himself constantly, trying way to hard to impress. so is it true or is he that insecure??

    Reply
  2. sandy weinstein

    someone that is disrespectful, not polite and expects me to pay my share. also calling at the last minute

    Reply
  3. Gail Ritzer-Weisblat

    If your not honest . hit the door. Also a must is good breath and clean finger nails

    Reply
  4. Jessica Berry

    So many pet peeves to count..when drinks to much, doesn’t brush his teeth or use a breath mint, if he smokes, if he is too relaxed and treats me like a bro, no manners in general or is distracted.

    Reply
  5. Joann

    I have been married for 34 years, so it’s been a long time since I dated, but when I was, my biggest pet peeve was not showing up on time and being kept waiting

    Reply
  6. Sharday Leedy

    My biggest dating pet peeve is when a guy clearly only has one objective in mind, which is trying to get me in bed.

    Reply
  7. CHARITY JAMES

    My biggest dating pet peeve is when I am disrespected… if he is late with no good excuse, if he does not listen, if he is rude…

    Reply
  8. Sharon

    A guy who seems very self absorbed and doesn’t seem to be interested in my life.

    Reply
  9. Mary Ann Falzone

    A guy who aggressively insists on paying for the first meal when I would prefer to go dutch treat. To me, that smacks of controlling behavior and a belief in gender stereotypes.

    Reply
  10. sue fink

    Nothing worse than being honest with someone by telling them you do not want to go out with them again….and then they are mad at you for telling the truth!!

    Reply
  11. Daniela Plume

    liars. people who portray themselves other than they are e.g. guys who claim to be in “law enforcement” when they’re security guards.

    Reply
  12. Randi C.

    I really can’t stand when someone talks about themselves constantly…it grates on my nerves.

    Reply
  13. Jamie Geer

    On a date, or seeing one, I hate people that feel the need to sit on the same side of the table (unless on a double or group date) if having a meal somewhere with booth seating. First, I want to look at the person. Second, we are individuals not conjoined twins I need space.

    Reply
  14. Amy Bielawski

    Oh god, there are so many. So many bad things have happened on dates…. Here are a few of the highlights… Date number one – got into a religion/politic convo and disagreed, so he decided we needed to go dutch… I argued that one down. Later wrote to tell me that I was going to hell.
    Date number two – dude was very drunk and went in to a store to get more beer, peed his pants when a cop came in.
    Date number three – Went out to dinner and then to another bar for a drink, guy says he has no more money, I have to pay.
    There are many more, but I’ll have to save the rest for my book….

    Reply

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